Tuesday, 20 June 2017

The Best Laid Plans in Pregnancy...

Pregnancy is a great time of change - physical, emotional, practical - and a certain degree of planning  is generally required in order to help prepare for the life-altering arrival of a little one. Making lists and ticking tasks off as you complete them can help you feel more in control of what is largely an unknown situation, and putting practicalities in place certainly helps to settle the soul ahead of the anticipated major life event.

Some people are extremely detailed with their planning, leaving little or nothing to chance, whilst others prefer to plot out the main points but leave the finer elements flexible. I am in the latter camp; whilst I like to have the fundamental factors clear in my mind and on paper, I don't want to get bogged down in the minutiae as I think many of the smaller details are subject to change beyond our control anyway.

And, as is often the case in life, even the best laid plans can go completely to pot in a split second. Sometimes, if you have invested effort and consideration into putting a painstaking plan in place, you can end up more disappointed or traumatised when it goes tits-up all of a sudden than if you had allowed for some flexibility.

That said, even with a 'go-with-the-flow' attitude, we all imagine the way we expect events will unfold in our heads and any disruption to or deviation from that can be a source of distress.

This is the boat in which I currently find myself, on several counts.

Firstly, my husband and I specifically decided to come to London for the final 2 months of my pregnancy to escape the oppressive desert heat of Dubai, so that I would be comfortable in more temperate weather and able to take nice long walks in the park and by the river every day, staying active right up until labour. As it happens, we find ourselves in the midst of the hottest June the UK has experienced on record for the past 25+ years, with London and the South East bearing the brunt of the heatwave. At 34 weeks and 4 days pregnant, this 30 Celsius (feels like 40) London heat is melting me. I can't go anywhere comfortably. I can't even sit in my own home comfortably. My hands and feet are throbbing, and I'm frequently found sitting with my feet in a bucket of ice cold water. Thank goodness my husband is a fussy sleeper and can't nod off without air conditioning - whatever the weather - so we had already purchased a portable unit for the bedroom on our first day. Otherwise there is no way I would've been getting any sleep during this hot spot either.

So that's the first well-intentioned plan which has gone well and truly out of the window.

Next up is the matter of our private health insurance, which conveniently expired at the end of May. We knew this would happen, of course, and had planned to renew it immediately - which shouldn't have been an issue at all - but it has become one. The insurance is issued as part of a 'corporate package' to all employees (and their families) of the company my husband is employed by. This is standard; in fact it is a legal requirement for private companies in the UAE to provide private healthcare to their employees. It's a wonderful benefit and I'm not complaining at all, but unfortunately the company has been slow to activate the renewal of the corporate package, thus leaving us all without valid health insurance cover until now. We're not entirely sure what the hold-up is from the company's side, and even though my husband has attempted to renew my insurance as an individual off his own back, apparently it is not possible.

Cue the private Maternity wing at which I am due to deliver next month, suddenly demanding payment in full for the care package THIS WEEK! Great. Luckily we are fortunate enough to be in a position whereby we CAN self-pay the full amount if necessary and then later claim it back from the insurance company once our policy is renewed, but many others wouldn't necessarily have that option to fall back on. Either way, it is an expense we hadn't planned to pay out of our own pockets at this precise moment. But needs must.

Nothing, however, could have prepared us for the complete capitulation of the best laid plans, as an entirely unexpected piece of news came through at the start of this week. A curveball hurled from so far left-field that it has knocked me out of the park.

On Sunday, my husband received an official call-up to the 1-year national military service, due to report for duty on 1st August. My due date is 29th July. He immediately had to fly back to Dubai on getting the call-up, in order to enlist and go through all the medical assessments and psychological evaluations prior to the start of service date. This is the first time they have initiated military service call-ups for August; usually new recruits are taken on in January.

It will mean an initial 45-day cold turkey period with absolutely NO communication whatsoever. No phones, no emails, not even pigeon post. Nothing. The prospect of facing 45 days without talking to my beloved husband - my best friend, my soulmate, my world - either when I have just delivered our first baby, or even when I am delivering our first baby, if he arrives late, fills me with absolute dread and horror. Following the 45-day radio silence, there will be a further 4 months of being locked up at the military camp and sometimes being allowed out at weekends. Then a further 8 months of daily commutes to the military base.

My emotions and hormones had been so wonderfully stable since we came to London; every day was a happy day and a tear couldn't have been further away from my eyes, but since getting this news on Sunday I've been an oversensitive bag of weeping. As I mentioned in a previous post, we knew my husband would be in a training camp somewhere in Central Europe from mid-July for just under a month, but that he would be allowed to leave and come straight to me in London once I went into labour. Now that is not the case. There are no exceptions made to the 45-day lockdown. There are no delays to the start of service date.

What should be the most exciting and love-filled time of our lives has now been turned upside down into one of the most unsettling. I can't really get my head around what is to come and how I will handle it at the moment; it's still such a fresh shake-up to our 'best laid plans' and my husband having to hop on a plane and fly away last night was not something I had ever anticipated, let alone the rest of it. I know he has to respond to the call of duty and I'm very proud of him and what he will be doing, but for our fledgeling little family, the timing literally could not be any worse.

So, as is the theme of this (long, rambling, sometimes ranty and overemotional - my apologies!) blog post; you can plan for what you THINK is every eventuality, you can prepare for multiple scenarios, but in the end there is always a possibility that something could flash like a bolt from the blue and your only option is to react on the spot and deal with it as it happens. I suppose it will at least serve as good training for the unpredictability of life with a new baby.



1 comment:

  1. Ohmy goodness, that is so so sad about your husband! I feel for you and I hope you find the strength to go about your daily life and to bring a beautiful life into this world. xxxx

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